Spontaneity as a need
Lately, I've been doing a lot of thinking around identity and mindset. It started because of my struggles in losing weight.
This year, I've had some success, but mostly I've stalled over the last couple of months. And I want to get down to the heart of why. So, I started a new session of therapy. About two years ago, I went to therapy to help me overcome my depression and anxiety. It changed my life. It was the first time therapy had ever "worked" for me.
With the help of medication, I've been depression free for over two years now.
Before that, I was always hesitant to "give in" to medication because I didn't want to be identified as "someone who needs pills" to feel "normal."
Therapy helped me get over that fear and I've been able to achieve a balance in my emotional life that I've never had before.
So, I'm hoping to achieve something similar by addressing my issues with weight loss. Surely, one session isn't going to "fix" my issues. BUT, there was something that came out of today that was very interesting and that I had never considered before.
My therapist brought up this idea that I "have a need for spontaneity." And often times, that seems to translate into using food to fulfill that need.
And it makes a lot of sense.
I love to cook, but I rarely just cook for myself. It's boring. And in those moments, I choose to order out.
For lunch, if I don't have a plan, I just get in my car and drive around until something "calls" me. Which, when I tell people about that they cringe and say their anxiety would never allow them to do that. But, I'm perfectly fine with it.
At a restaurant, I don't pick exactly what I want until the moment the waitress asks me. Instead, I choose 2-3 options and, once she asks, whatever comes out of my mouth, is my choice.
And when we do well on our diet (my fiance and I), is when we set a menu and do our prep on Sundays. Then, there is no (or at least little) room to use food as my spontaneity outlet.
I don't necessarily have a conclusion yet, because this is just now starting to bounce around my brain– but, there is something there, in that.
I've never considered spontaneity as a need. It's a bit eye-opening. And could be the beginning of this new mindset journey.