Tomorrow I’m having carpal tunnel surgery on my right hand. Which means I won’t be writing anything for at least a little while. Well, nothing of substance at least. And when you’re a writer for your career, that’s a little scary.
But, of course, the more scary part is just being reminded how human we all are. This is the second surgery I’ve had in last two years. Two years ago it was to repair a torn meniscus in my knee. I expected to recover easily from that and it was a lot harder than I ever expected. So, part of my emotions today come from those memories.
It’s always scary to be put under. To have zero control over what happens to you. It’s only a 45 minute surgery, but I know the feeling of waking up and having no clue what just went on. At age 36, I find myself thinking more and more about mortality. I’d like to think I have another 40, 50, maybe even 60 years… but who knows, right?
Of course, thinking about mortality more often is a bit of a double-edged sword. It’s a little scary and can really get you down, but it can also make you want to live life more fully each day you do have.
With my weight issues it’s hard not to think about how it could shorten my life.
Yesterday, I turned to something I started thinking about earlier this year. This idea of training myself to think like an athlete. I’ve always been good at sports, despite my physical disadvantages. I’m well-coordinated and good at fundamentals. When it comes to muscle memory, I do really well–no matter the sport, or job (I was the fastest latte maker when I worked at Starbucks because of this).
So, what I lack in speed and height, I make up in those things.
I began considering what makes someone an athlete. I came to the conclusion that an athlete simply “puts in the work.” And by putting in enough work, they eliminate imposter’s syndrome. Something that I tend to suffer from in a lot of areas in my life.
With my hand surgery ends my golf game for the year. I’m still not great, but I’ve gotten pretty damn good over the past 12-15 months. It’s a bummer. But, with the money I’ll save not playing golf for the next 3-4 months, I purchased an exercise bike. I figured that was the easiest way to stay active without needing to use my hand.
With just 32 days to go until I get married, I’m looking forward to shedding a few extra pounds through diet and cardio. Here’s to hoping things go well and that, in a few weeks, I get to tell you all about the success I’ve been having.